Thursday, 9 July 2015

Take Off - a poem

My usual poetry writing is definitely the 'tee-tum-tee-tum' style. I enjoy writing it and, judging from your comments, you enjoy reading it. One of my favourites is Tomorrow but today I'm trying a different style.  (Apologies for the corny DJ link!) 

This is a piece of poetry that I'm planning to read out loud at a poetry meeting and so it could possibly be referred to as Spoken Word. Whatever the official title of its style, can you please read it in a kind of rapper's voice and all crit comments will be gratefully received. Thank you. Incidentally this really did happen, but not to me thankfully:

Take Off

Doors secure, engines roar, seatbelt light engaged
Life jackets, safety packets, demonstrations staged
Revs growl, wheels roll, runway now in sight
Nervous gasps, fists clasped, anticipate the flight

Anticipate
Ears vibrate
Wait

Engines slow, silence grows, the pilot says ‘regret’
Turning round, still on the ground, are we under threat?
From hostage takers
safety breakers
Anti-establishment fist shakers
Did air traffic say, ‘no’?
Would the lift-up thingy not go?
Was there the wrong kind of airflow?

Returning
To departure

Seat belt light goes out, passengers put out, sent out
Cabin staff regret, no threat, not yet but…

Next day’s papers, page four near the bottom on the right
“Mouse on board caused havoc to last night’s Madrid flight.”




14 comments:

  1. Maybe that's what caused my three hour delay coming home ... And better to find the stowaway mouse before take off!

    A lovely poem, Ros - and great to read out at a meeting.

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    1. Thanks, Jo. They did find the mouse before take off and this was told to me by a shop assistant while I was trying to buy skillets for cooking shakshukas.

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  2. Yo, Yo - this shall be a fun read out loud. Good luck. I love the "lifty up thing"
    And the final punch line - perfect.

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    1. Thanks, Joanne. The punch line was given to me 'on a plate'.

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  3. Good stuff - a few suggestions if I may?

    Engines slow, silence grows, pilot says ‘regret’
    Turning round, still on ground, are we under threat?
    Hostage takers?
    Safety breakers?
    Anti-establishment fist shakers?
    Did air traffic say, ‘no’?
    Would the lift-up thing not go? (not 'thingY)
    Something wrong with the airflow?

    And just 'passengers sent out'.

    Are you going to have music in the background? Reading it in Rap is a brilliant idea - good luck!

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    1. This is really helpful, Lizy. Thank you. It's cut the extra little words out. I hadn't thought of doing that.

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    2. I'd be interested to read the final version, Ros - and to hear how it went down at the reading.

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    3. I will let you know. The workshop is tonight.

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  4. Wow! I really got into the groove with this, Ros, and the ending made me laugh out loud. Loved it!! It read a bit like a train with the chuffa chuffa bits in between... if you get my drift!

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    1. Thanks, Val. I glad you enjoyed the rhythm.

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  5. I loved this! Had me holding my breath. Loved the end.

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  6. I LOVE this poem! You did a great job with it. The other folks at your poetry meeting will, too.

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